Things That Generally Piss Me Off

There are No Problems— Only Opportunities for Success

Well, isn’t that a crock of shit? How as a profession did we ever come up with an inane philosophy? We really have to stop demeaning ourselves and entire profession with such bullshit. If there were truly no problems, there wouldn’t be a need for project managers. Our value lies in the fact that we are skilled facilitators that solve problems!

If this were not true, then our jobs could be done by bright secretarial minded people (meaning highly organized), without all the classes, expense and upkeep (endless pdu’s).

So when you have a problem, grab yourself by your genitalia and call it what it is; a problem! If at the last minute you wuss-out, at least call it an issue, but never refer to it as an opportunity, or I swear to Starbucks, I’ll hunt you down and……..

There is no “I” in Team
Yes, I’ve already covered that one, but I have a couple of more thought. Usually that kind of manipulative crap comes from a sales dork, trying to get you to do ‘a little favor – some menial task that they could do for themselves, but are too elite or just plain lazy.

DON’T DO IT! It’s a slippery slope and it’s not easy getting back up that hill, unless you take a chain saw to the bastard (male or female)….

Case in point: An engineer on a project I was leading (business-as-usual, no big whoop) needed to fly across country for a three day job. He asked me to get him a window seat and a king-size bed because he hated to be cramped. I reminded him I was his project manager and not his assistant.

He then went in to a long (and boring) story about on his last job, the project manager insisted on doing everything for him. Bering the sensitive person I am, I suggested that possibly that other project manager wanted to sleep with him, and then assured him that I didn’t, so he’d have to fend for himself.

Collecting for Charity at Work

Yeah, this is a touchy subject, so let me explain before you to all Fox on me (referring to the hysterical diva O’Reilly at Fox News).

Before I happened to stumble into project management, I ran an office for a national service-type company. A sales dork (hmmm, I see a pattern forming) suggested that we put a large box wrapped in Christmas paper by the check-out desk, so our clients could bring in canned food items for the needy.

I questioned if that was really the place for such an endeavor, to which she replied (and I’m serious): “Well, maybe when they see the box, even if we don’t give them exactly what they want, they might realize that some people are not as fortunate as they are, and not complain.”

Did you get all that? What a self-serving con! And when in your experience have you’ve paid for something, but were willing to take less because some people are less fortunate than you?

I bet her twenty dollars that it wouldn’t work. One month later I collected my winnings standing right by the empty box.

“I just don’t get it,” she kept repeating. I just nodded and sighed: “I know.”