Beware Emotional Vampires

I am searching these days for that illusive line between Positive Thinking and Self Delusion. Every time I think I’ve struck the perfect balance between the two, I find that I’m woefully wrong; especially when it comes to friends, or rather, acquaintances.

Let me explain. I’m one of those people that everyone seems to go to for validation. For some reason, my acceptance is needed to validate life itself. Sometimes I play along and bless them, however… sometimes the person neither warrants or deserves validation. Sometimes the person is just having a pity party and wants me to assure them that they are either right and life sucks, or talk them into seeing how truly gifted and marvelous they really are. Homey don’t play those games anymore, because those games can suck the life right out of you; I will not empower emotional vampires. Say it with me: “I will not empower emotional vampires”. And believe it or not, at the moment, your probably are.

Just to be clear, I’m not talking about the there are no problems, only opportunities bullshit. I’m talking about an intelligent, creative approach rather than the much too easy let whoever caused the problem solve it. As I’ve said before: as a team we either all succeed or we all fail. It seems too easy, why do so few people get it?

Okay, so where does that leave us? How do you keep a realistic positive attitude when the world around you is falling into the abyss? Oh, wait! That sounded rather negative, didn’t it? OMG, it’s catching! Think of unicorns… unicorns and puppies…… okay, I’m better.

So how do you deal with a gloom and doom team member? What do you do with the person who can fall into a pile of rose’s petals and complain that about the smell of fertilizer? How do you stop that kind of thinking from infecting your whole team; and it will if left unchecked.

First you have to set up some rules to derail the emotional vampire:

Declare your meeting space a negative-free zone.
Of course you can talk about problems, but leave the emotions as the door. And repeating ‘we’re screwed’ over and over is not allowed.

Be prepared to discuss your part of the project; the good, the bad and the ugly.
And if someone on the team has helped you out with something, say to. Give credit where credit is due. Ask your EV directly is anyone has been a help to them since the last meeting. Force them to have a positive thought.

If you are aware of an issue before the meeting, come with some possible solutions.
Just throwing out a problem with no solution, is fodder for the EV and gives him/her a starting gun for the gloom and doom scenario.

Everyone must participate in the meeting.
No one is allowed to just stare at the clock and sigh.

That’s a good start. We’ll go into more ideas as they come. Right now I have to string some garlic for my next team meeting.

A Friends Job Interview Story

A friend of mine told me this heartwarming story of her latest interview…

I interviewed with a major semi-national company that was hiring for a project management positions. I was qualified with over ten years experience. I read their website, news clippings and talked to an acquaintance who worked there two years prior to get a feel for the lay of the land.

The interviewer was a middle-aged man with very dark hair, and we seemed to hit it off. The interview took about one hour. Less than that and it generally means, there’s no interest. More than that… I don’t know what that means, except perhaps I was more interesting than his next scheduled meeting.

I asked deep and thought provoking questions, showing that I had a great interest in the position as well as the company at large. He stared intently at me. I stared back. I felt me made a connection, or we were both just daydreaming.

So after an hour, he thanked me for coming in. We got up and started for the door, when he said, “So, I originally asked to see you last Friday, but you had a conflict in your schedule. Is that right?”

“Yes, I did, and I appreciate that you had the time to talk to me today,” I said with a warm, yet not smarmy smile, thinking--- Wow, what an odd question. If he was pissed for the blow off, why did he want to see me at all? Actually, my conflict was a lunch date that I really didn’t want to change. And yes, it was worth it.

He smiled oddly, raised his eyebrow and said I’d be hearing from them. Yeah, I nailed it!

So I bugged my agency and waited to hear. Then out of the blue a female friend of mine called to say she just started a new job… at the major semi-national company. I asked her when she accepted the position and she said it was last Friday. I asked what she’d be doing, and she said she’d be managing the (same project I just interviewed for) project.

“Are they looking for any more project managers?” I asked.

“No, I got the only position. Boy do I feel lucky!” she bubbled.

I congratulated her and wished her the very best. She will do very well because she is an excellent PM……

So now the questions is, why put him through the hoops? Why even bother interviewing her if another already started? Was she being punished for not being available at a two hour notice? In my estimation, that’s just tough shit!

I make it a rule that I need at least a one-day notice, because if a company can’t do that, then they don’t give a crap about their employees and it would never work out anyway.

I’m trying to put this all on to perspective, I keep wondering: WTF was that all about?