Speaking of Memories...

Call her Michael…..

Her name was Michael, not Michelle. She was a project coordinator and everything about her made me crazy… and not in the good way.

She was a big girl in hiking boots and ankle length skirts, with long black hair and not a touch of makeup, except for dark brown lipstick. Since I don’t judge people by their looks, that’s not what drove me crazy.

She was competent enough, but she rambled— when people were around or when she was alone. She complained about everything from the temperature of the office to the soup in the cafeteria. Don’t get me wrong, I hate goody-two-shoes Pollyanna’s, but being around someone that does nothing but bitch from 8 to 5 is just depressing.

I never would have hired the woman, but alas I inherited her, so I was stuck. God knows I tried to tune her out, but our desks were just close enough that her constant bitching, moaning and complaining bored into my brain like a Japanese beetle.

Finally, in desperation, I bought a set of headphones. Most of the time I didn’t listen to music, I just use them to block the droning bitch-fest.


Repeating a Broken Process, Hoping for a Different Outcome…..

is generally considered insanity, which is a perfect description of a bank I did a short contract with. I hate banks. They are stuffy, predictable, boring and the polar opposite of a place any project manager with even a modicum of creativity should work. But once in a moment of ‘bonding’ I took s short contract at a bank, because a friend of mine worked there, and talked me in to it. It wasn’t real bank work, but a root cause analysis gig that should only take a couple of months. Piece-o-cake!

The people were friendly, the offices were bank-ish and the gig and was simple root cause analysis involving a broken process. I met with the process owner and he explained the very involved, but not documented process flow and what ‘wasn’t happening’, or to us edu-macated project managers— he just needed a gap analysis.

I spoke to the stakeholders, drafted out the flow in Visio and found the problem readily. I was working myself out of a job, but what the hell. I wrote up a neat report, color coding the flow for easy assimilation and met with the process owner.

The problem came down, oddly enough, to one man who had been with the bank for over thirty years. I had a list of very simple and blatantly obvious corrections that were needed. I was told (and I swear this is true) “But that’s not the way we do things here.” Should I repeat that for you? I was told “that’s not the way we do things here.”

I just stared at him for a moment and asked if there was anything else he needed me to do, handed him the nicely bound report, called my agency and left. So that is one of many reasons why, I HATE FREAKIN’ BANKS!

Maybe it’s just me, but I like— no I need variety. I’ve done just about every type of project management possible, with the exception of construction. I know some project manager’s that do nothing but software development and love it. Sometimes I wish I could find a niche and just plug along, but I can’t. The unusual challenge is out there, and it’s calling me. I just need to find it.