The Smack Down

Back in the day, I worked with a spunky female project manager, we’ll call Lynn. She was strong, effective and didn’t take shit from anyone.

I was in the office early one morning, along with Lynn, when the new (sleazy) sales guy came in carrying a stack of papers. He stood by the photocopy machine, shifting from one foot to another, glancing at us from the corner of his eye. We ignored him.

Then he started to walk towards us, smiling at Lynn. ‘Oh, hell no!’ I screamed inside my head, as I stepped back about ten paces.

As he approached, Lynn glared a warning at his dumb-ass, but it went un-heeded.

“Excuse me,” he began, but can you help me with the photocopy machine?” Oh, and he smiled his best smile and he tilted his head.

“I’m a project manager,” she said coolly as she raised her hand in a ‘stop’ motion.

“There is no ‘I’ in team,” he nodded in a condescending manner.

I held my breath.

“There’s no “I” in "Fuck you", either. So what’s your point?” she glared.

“I….just need some help with the…..” he stammered.

“Oh, I see,” she smiled (like a cobra, if a cobra could smile). “You are one of the dinosaurs that still believe that it takes breasts to operate office equipment. The directions are on the wall, but I’m probably making a dangerous assumption that you can read. ”

“I, I, I…” was all he could say.

“Figure it out,” she smiled coldly as she turned and walked away.

Later that day I was having lunch (okay, deliberately) with the Sales Director and he told me about the new guys run-in with Lynn.

He said (and I quote): “I told the dumb-shit not to fuck with her unless he’s carrying pepper stray and his life insurance is paid up.” The Sales Director was not only a close friend of Lynn’s, but she was also making the company a ton of money, which is even more important.

From that day on, the sales guy came no where near her.